Miscellaneous

This is an excerpt from Chapter 1 of the upcoming living the soul of recovery manual.

“Now is a precious gift; that’s why it’s called the present.” – Unknown

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery; today is all we truly have.” We cannot change the past or future, but what we do in the present can change the past’s impact on us and our influence on the future. When we are held in the grip of regret or nostalgia, we temporarily lose the freedom to move forward without fear or sadness. When we fear what we imagine for the future, we temporarily lose the power to take risks and be expansive. Living in the past or future keeps us small and limited.

Being in the present does not mean we cannot learn from the past or prepare for the future; indeed, we must if we are to grow. We repeat the mistakes we don’t learn from. We falter and lose direction when we are not prepared. We can look to the past as a teacher, and to the future as a guide, but we can only act in the present, based on how we see here now.

However, “We don’t see the world as it is, we see the world as we are.” (Anais Nin). Our perceptions, how we see the world, are mostly based on our beliefs, emotions and thoughts about previous experiences. Yes, our worries and fears, as well as our regrets, are largely based on the past, even if we project them into the future.

Most of our perceptions, which we use in order to understand something and make decisions about it, are not based in what is but what was. These are not true perceptions – to perceive means to understand or grasp what is present. These are actually assumptions –which means to take for granted or suppose. We suppose that the birthday present will make us happy and the boss will give us trouble. Assumptions easily turn into expectations. Assumptions and expectations lead to judgments of something being good or bad, right or wrong – when in reality it only has the qualities we attribute to it. These judgments give us a distorted view of what is actually present in front of us. Thus we often result in basing our decisions on distortions of our own making! Not really the best scenario for growth, well-being or making the most of opportunity, is it?

Do your best to let go of assumptions, expectations, and judgments. Just keep your attention on what is present. Four simple ways to practice this are:

(1) focus on your breathing,

(2) focus on your senses, and

(3) focus on an object in front of you

(4) be an observer in the midst of an experience

These are common forms of meditation, which is an ancient method of practicing awareness of the present moment. Here is a method of combing several of these practices: Notice your body right now – its sensations and feelings. Notice your emotions. Notice the inhale and exhale of your breathing. Are you comfortable? Hungry? Warm or chilled? Can you observe yourself reading? “This is me, sitting in a chair, reading a sentence about me in a chair reading.” Simple, right? But for many people this is very challenging to do in the beginning, and  many people do not stay with it very long. A few attempts and they say “This is stupid,” – they give up, denying themselves an opportunity to experience the benefits of being present.

WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF MINDFULNESS?

This is a partial list of benefits, compiled from research studies reported by Harvard Medical Center, Massachussetts General Hospital, The New York Times, WebMD, Project-Meditation, The Journal of Psychosomatic Research and Johns Hopkins Medical Center:

• Improve learning and memory

• Improve concentration and attention span

• Improve the immune system

• Improve pain management and reduction

• Improve mood and behavior

• Improve energy and vigor

• Improve empathy

• Reduce anxiety and stress

• Reduce blood pressure

• Reduce headaches

• Reduce depression

• Reduce insomnia

• Lower the risk of heart disease

Can you relate to any of these conditions? Research is still being conducted around the world, and no one is saying the findings are conclusive, but WOW! If mindfulness, particularly meditation and presence-focusing, can make even a small change in any of these areas, it is a very useful and valuable skill to develop. 10-15 minutes of daily practice can make a big difference in your life.

Try this MINDFULNESS EXERCISE daily for the next two weeks (it will only take a few minutes):

To demonstrate an example of truly being in the present moment, take a morsel of your favorite healthy food and follow these steps, paying close attention to your senses and emotions as described in the exercise.

(NOTE: for this exercise, please avoid extraneous stimuli – phones, computers, TV, books, newspapers, etc. Just focus on the food and the process.)

 SENSES

• Sight: Look at the morsel on the plate. Notice the shape. Outline it with your eyes. Notice the irregularities of its shape. Notice the color of the morsel, and any variations in the color. Notice the shadowing due to the lighting of the room. Notice how the texture appears on the morsel (is it smooth, rough?). Turn the plate so you can see the morsel from different perspectives.

Describe what you see:

• Touch: Now pick up the morsel with your fingers and close your eyes. Notice its weight. Notice the texture as you touch it – does it feel like you imagined it would when you saw it on the plate?

Describe how it feels to the touch:

• Smell: Bring the morsel close to your nose and close your eyes. Breathe in the aroma through your nostrils. Is the aroma pleasant? Can you discern the scents of the different ingredients?

Describe the aroma and as many ingredients as you can identify:

• Taste: Taste the morsel with just the tip of your tongue. Does it have a flavor? Now taste it on the center of your tongue. Has the flavor changed in any way? Finally taste it on the back of your tongue. Again, any change in flavor? (Each part of the tongue tastes different flavors and discerns sweet from savory from seasoned.)

Describe your experience and any differences you noticed:

• Hearing: Take a bite of the morsel and chew it, again with your eyes closed. Notice the sounds you hear, and notice whether you can distinguish what sounds are made by the gnashing of your teeth, the lubricating of your saliva, the pull of your muscles near your ears. Notice the sound when you swallow what you have chewed. Also notice the sounds around you – are there birds or traffic outside? Is someone moving around near you? What do you hear?

Describe the sounds and the experience of listening intently:

• Body: Lots of other things are happening in your body while you eat. How many can you notice? For example, did your stomach begin to “growl” or “churn” as you were looking at the morsel on the plate? At what point did you begin to salivate? What was your breathing like during the exercise – were you breathing throughout (hint: certainly not as you swallowed or you’d have choked!).

Describe the different experiences you noticed during this experience:

EMOTIONS

• Feeling: As you ate the morsel, did you notice any emotional feelings? Were you happy, content, irritable, or other feeling? (Whether you did or did not is equally fine – there is no right or wrong emotional response.) Was the experience pleasant, unpleasant?

Describe your emotional feelings or lack of them:

• Energy: Did you notice any difference in your energy level at any point during the exercise? Is your energy level any different after the exercise than before starting?

• Effects: Notice whether you had any other awarenesses during this exercise, for example:

Memories: Did the food, or any part of the exercise remind you of something or someone?

Thoughts: Did your mind drift? If so, what did you think about?

Triggers: Did any part of the exercise trigger any positive or negative emotional reactions? If so, what was the trigger and what did it trigger? How did it influence your experience? Can you let it go?

Satisfaction: What was your overall level of satisfaction with the exercise, the food and your awareness?

Did the experience lead you to be aware of anything else?

If there are any questions you could not answer, that’s fine. You may be more or less aware of some of your processes, or you may simply have not experienced some of these effects. Try again after practicing for a few days or weeks, and see whether you have a different experience.

This exercise can be done in many ways, with many different objects, events, circumstances or people. The most common focus of meditation, for example, is the breath. You won’t always be able to use every sense, but you can become more present and aware of your experiences, surroundings and the impact they have on your body, mind, mood and emotions.

Whether in a business meeting, on a date, playing with your kids, or whatever you are doing, practice being as mindful and present to the fullness of the experience as you can.

 

A Personal Experience

I found the 12 Steps (or they found me) in 1975, and although I have certainly had my struggles with them at times, they quickly became the foundation upon which I built first my recovery, then my life.

I was very fortunate to have had two very committed sponsors over the years, Gene and Tom, whose love of the steps was rock-solid, but whose perspectives on the steps were very different. And both were adamant that I become familiar and comfortable enough with the steps that I could develop my own understanding of them. As Tom once said, “If you don’t have a personal relationship with them, it’s not a relationship.” Years earlier, Gene had told me, “My understanding of the steps will only tell you what I think. You have to figure out what you think if you are going to maintain recovery.”

My understanding of, and relationship to the steps has evolved over time. My respect and appreciation has only deepened. Here is a quick snapshot of how I live them today (please bear in mind that this is just snapshot, not the whole panorama of their place in my life):

Step 1. “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”

Alcohol and drugs have not plagued my mind in years. Except when talking with others in recovery, the thoughts and memories rarely pop up. Yet there is much in life that I am powerless over, and this step reminds me not to take on what is not mine to manage.

Step 2. “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

This step directs me to ask for help from whomever and whatever can help, because let’s face it, if I’m stuck or don’t know how to do something anyone who does know how is a power greater than me.

Step 3. “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood [God].” (To the purists, sorry but I don’t use the masculine pronoun because I just can’t make myself think of God as male – or female for that matter.)

I love God, but my understanding of what God is has changed dramatically since my early days (I won’t define mine, because everyone must find their own). I’ve learned that I am responsible to be sure that my will and my life are in harmony with the highest good, as I understand it. The desires of my ego separate me from that.

Step 4. “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

If I don’t know who I am, how can I possibly change and grow? This step shows me what is and is not working to help me grow into the person I choose to be and am capable of being.

Step 5. “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

My perspective on this step hasn’t changed much – “we’re only as sick as our secrets; tell the secrets and we get well” – except that for those like me whose self-esteem is sometimes shot, it can also important to admit the exact nature of our “rights,” our positive traits and accomplishments. Otherwise we can get pretty immobilized.

Step 6. “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”

I’ve come to accept that this is a decision about cooperation. I have to be willing to let go of thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that don’t serve me or the life I want to live.

Step 7. “Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.”

Another cooperative step (they all are, really). God won’t take from me what I won’t let go of, and as the saying goes I rarely let go of anything without leaving claw marks!

Step 8. “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”

My life, I have learned, is never held back by what I am willing to do to clear a path or clean up my messes. It’s only held back by what I am NOT willing to do. So it doesn’t make any difference what others do to me – that’s on them. If I want a clear path, it’s my responsibility to clear it. That keeps this step very simple for me.

Step 9. “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

I used to dance around this as much as anyone, but karma bit my butt once too often. I learned (sometimes the hard way) that this step is not about feeling better, not about getting forgiveness, not even about restoring old friendships. It’s just about doing the right thing.

Step 10. “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”

This has always been one of my favorites, because that word “when” lets me off the hook from having to be perfect. I have to have integrity, and strive for growth and improvement, but never perfection. And it’s a reminder that it’s easier to deal with little mistakes as they happen than big, cumulative ones.

Step 11. “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.”

I’ve been very blessed to have had many well-known spiritual leaders as friends over the years, but that has made this step a challenge for me. It’s easy to seek spiritual contact through someone else, and harder directly. This step takes a lot of discipline for me, both as a practice and in accepting divine power.

Step 12. “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”

Carrying the message is a joy, as well as a responsibility. The challenge for me is practicing the principles in all I do (thanks be to Step 10!), but I manage to keep it simple through a process I created, “To Keep Recovery, Keep H.I.G.H. (Honesty, Integrity, Gratitude, Humility)©”. More on that another time.

 

I’d love to hear how you practice the steps. Feel free to send me an email, or message me on Facebook. Thanks for letting me share with you.

 

 

This isn’t the Feature I had planned for this issue. You were going to receive an excerpt of the first chapter (“Mindfulness”) of my new manual for Living the Soul of Recovery.

 

Then I saw this video. It touched me so much I had to share it. Please watch it (it’s less than two minutes), and then I’ll guide you on a brief Mindfulness exercise.

 

Before watching, take a few deep breaths, and relax your body and your mind as deeply as you can.

 

http://www.flickspire.com/m/LifeSecrets/PowerOfWords

 

An Exercise on Mindfulness:

1. Let yourself acknowledge and experience the emotions and physical feelings that arose while you watched the film. Stay with this experience for a few minutes, being as deeply aware of your feelings as you can, while not thinking about them.

2. Imagine yourself in the role of each person you saw. Take a few minutes with each and let yourself fully feel what it might be like to BE each person, noticing within you how each role feels.

– Be an unaware passerby who hardly notices the man on the step.

– Be a charitable passerby who tosses a few coins in his direction.

– Be the woman in the sunglasses.

– Be the blind man.

3. Now take another deep breath and return your attention to your present surroundings. Scan your body and emotions and notice if you feel any different, and if so, in what ways.

 

This is being mindful, that is, fully present to the immediate experience of the present moment. In #1, you were practicing mindfulness in your present reality. In #2, you were practicing mindfulness in an imagined reality. In #3, your mindfulness returned to present reality. In a simple way, this is the essence of mindfulness meditation – you are not so much focused on something as you are witnessing and embodying your own experience, without judgment or analysis.

 

If you wish, it may be useful for you to consider in what ways you may identify with the experience of each person in the video. Or you may want to consider being mindful of the words you use, and the effect they have on others.

 

The manual chapter on mindfulness will be in the next issue.

Originally published in Inner Tapestry. Go to:  www.innertapestry.org

TRANSFORMATION

Here is where you get to be an alchemist, changing the lead of a part of your life you don’t like into the gold of your dream life.

Of course, to change, you have to change. But we humans tend not to change until the fear of commitment is less than the pain of the status quo. Commitment is critical, because changes won’t last unless we make them non-negotiable. The ego mind is solely intent on the survival and protection of the familiar, of what it thinks is safe and comfortable. Thus it will resist any change toward growth or development.

Growth is a risk, and ego doesn’t like risk. Stepping deeper into life is vulnerable, and ego doesn’t like that either. Following your dreams requires stepping outside of your comfort zone, and ego really doesn’t like that! So ego will rebel, revolt, intimidate and assault your attempts to make changes, no matter how they may benefit you. That’s the bad news.

The good news is that your resilience can overcome your ego if you lovingly, clearly, simply and practically persist in pursuing your dream.

It is not the boss, the spouse, the government, the weather or anything else “out there” that needs changing if you are unhappy with some aspect of your life. Or if, in part, something outside of you does happen to be part of the problem, the only thing you have the power to change is you – your perspective, attitude, willingness, beliefs, actions, etc. The power to transform your life lies within you and in collaboration with whatever higher power you have a relationship with.

It is invaluable in this process to see what fear-based beliefs and habits you hold in your unconscious, because the unconscious is the level at which you have to change them. Trying to change deep-seated fears only at the conscious level is like using white-out and markers to change an error on a computer screen. You have to make the change in the hard drive! That is done through acceptance, forgiveness, willingness and love. To make lasting change, embrace your reality and see the challenges, fears, failures and limiting beliefs as opportunities to heal.

I developed this formula, which is a simple, concise and powerful process to follow in order to transform your life. The preliminary work is to bring your unconscious wounds to the surface – actually they do that on their own, just notice your resistance, resentments, critical judgments, blame and shame. I call that preliminary piece EXPLORATION. Then the steps in the formula are I+M+P+I=T:

Inspiration (Dream it; what is the thing you most deeply want for your life?)

+Motivation (Feel it; how does the dream feel in your emotions & senses?)

+Perspiration (Do it; take right action, commit to that action, and persist in it)

+Integration (Be it; know that you already are what you want to have & become.)

=Transformation (This will happen automatically when you take those 4 steps!)

Following this formula, no matter what you want to transform in your life, will lead you closer and closer to your desired result. The changes you want to make, though they may be challenging, are doable if they come from the heart. Embrace them.

Whether you are attracting, creating or transforming your life, the final piece, and maybe the most important, is to be grateful. Every night, reflect on the day and be grateful about everything! Everything was either a gift or a lesson, and both are invaluable. Anything you can’t say thank you for is baggage; anything you can say thank you for is fuel. Gratitude is the gateway to personal power (love), allowing us ordinary folk to do extraordinary things with our desires and dreams.

Originally published in Inner Tapestry. Go to:  www.innertapestry.org

CREATIVITY

To create means to cause to come into existence, to make or design, or to bring into being. (Its original meaning was to cause to grow!) There are a lot of people who don’t think they are creative, but there is no one who actually isn’t creative. Creativity is an integral part of who we are, whether we view ourselves as children of God or children of nature and the universe. Of course, we are actually co-creators. While we must not underestimate our creative power, we cannot ignore that we can create nothing without the cooperation of the power or source that created us.

Every decision is a creative act. But most of our decisions are on autopilot. According to recent brain research, if the average person is awake 16 hours a day, over 15½ of those hours are spent thinking about the same things in the same way with the same conclusions as the day before. We anesthetize ourselves with routine, habit, unconsciousness, media, and a host of distractions. Then we wonder where our dreams went and why we feel dissatisfied and unfulfilled. We have gone to sleep. Creativity is about being awake. It is about experiencing the world vividly and being fully alive in our experience. Author John Mason wrote a book entitled, “You Were Born an Original, Don’t Die a Copy.” Those words are great advice for living an awakened life.

 HOW TO CREATE THE LIFE YOU WANT:

It is not about how busy you are but how you are busy.

–       Do more of what you love.

–       Do less of what you only tolerate.

–       Do none of what you hate.

Now I know that’s not 100% realistic and doable all the time. We all have to sometimes put off what we love and do what we hate. But the point of this is that if you really want something, do what it takes to achieve it, don’t just do what is convenient or what is expected of you.

Here are a few simple tips to rev up your creativity:

• Doodle – your chicken scratches, designs, rambling words all trigger the creative side of your brain;

• Meditate – this cuts some of the “monkey mind” chatter that stifles creative thinking;

• Break mindless routines – do familiar things in unfamiliar ways, like putting “the wrong shoe” on first; breaking routine makes you think creatively;

• Read something upside down or backwards – this stimulates awareness, which stimulates creativity;

• Daydream constructively – imagine doing something you don’t know how to do, or mentally exploring somewhere you’ve never been; let your imagination make up the scenarios and how you would act, feel and respond in those situations;

• Let go of “rules” and “shoulds” for a bit – remember, Orville Wright didn’t have a pilot’s license, but that didn’t stop him from flying.

• Let go of your fears about being silly, wrong, not ___ enough, or whatever – you are bigger than your fears;

• Play – make up your own game, or watch children as they create new ways to play old games;

• Tell your story – not as a bunch of facts, but with scenery, emotion and sensing words (for example, rather than “I went to work,” say something like “I felt a slight tug to play hookey as I drove the familiar oak-lined streets toward eight hours of challenge.”

The main thing is to see things and do things differently in order to become at ease with the creative process. When creativity is a way of life, it becomes natural to create a way of life that is meaningful and satisfying to us.