Miscellaneous

Those of you who are familiar with my program, Living the Soul of Recovery, know that the first pillar of strength for long-term recovery is Awareness.

Awareness has three components:

–       Mindfulness

–       Inner Wisdom

–       Essence

These three parts, working in harmony with each other, enable us to know and master ourselves so we can be fully present to ourselves in the present moment.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is not about having a mind full of thoughts, ideas and information. It’s about being present. In some ways it seems like a better term might be “mindLESSness,” but then no one would want to do it!

Mindfulness, or being present, is a practice of noticing and observing what you are experiencing within and around you – right now. What emotions are you feeling? What sensations are you aware of? What do your senses tell you about your environment? All in the present moment.

Meditation is one of the most effective ways to practice Mindfulness. One of the simplest meditations is a basic breathing exercise: Relax, then breathe in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 2, breathe out for a count of 4, pause for a count of 2, repeat 3 more times for a total of 4 breaths.

How easy is that? You have to breathe anyway, this just gets you to pay attention and not let your mind wander around aimlessly. As you breathe, just observe the experience of being aware of your breathing – no thoughts of whether you are “doing it right” or “getting something out of it.” Rather, simply be conscious of your inhale, exhale and the pauses between.

As you practice and get familiar with this breathing meditation, stop counting the repetitions and instead build up to 15-20 minutes. Research shows that 15-20 minutes of meditation has the beneficial impact on the mind and body of an hour of sleep, and helps the heart and brain function more optimally, reduce blood pressure, reduce stress hormones, relax muscle tissue, and boost the immune system! Who knew you carry a built-in spa with you?!

Another way of being Mindful and simultaneously be grounded is to focus your attention on your feet and where you are standing or sitting. Just bring your attention to your feet. If you are barefoot, feel the pressure of the ground or floor against the soles of your feet. Notice the texture of what you are standing on. If you are wearing footwear, notice how your feet feel in your socks or hose and in the confines of your shoes or sneaks. Wiggle your toes a little.

Then expand your awareness slowly to about 12” around you, pausing every inch or so to really get that on this whole Earth, this spot and this moment are where you are right now. This grounding exercise serves to bring your energy lower into your body and can help in lowering anxiety and releasing worry.

The purpose of these practices is simply to be Mindful and present to the here and now in space and time. With regular practice, most people find they are calmer, more alert, more creative and better able to let go of their mental blocks so they can more easily attract opportunities to help them toward their dream. I’m sure you will find that, too.

We will cover Inner Wisdom and Essence in the next issue of LifeLetter.

 

In the previous article, I wrote about the 6 Stages of Recovery. Stages 3, 4 and 5 are about abstinence, sobriety and early recovery, respectively, and no program of starting and maintaining recovery is better known or probably more successful than the 12 Steps.

Originally published in 1939 in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous, these steps have been adapted for recovery from almost every addiction, and are often adapted even further as a model for cognitive and behavioral modification therapies. While scientific evidence of their effectiveness is lacking, anecdotal evidence is overwhelming that these steps have a profound impact on changing people’s lives.

While there are many recovery models I respect and share with clients in my practice as Recovery Coach, I admit I have a profound prejudice in favor of the Steps. I, like millions of others, feel I owe my life to the practice of this inspired wisdom. Following their guidance brought me from the despair of a lonely, unemployed, homeless alcoholic and drug addict to a life of vibrancy, success and great joy. Further, they have helped me recover from codependency and financial dysfunction. So it is with extreme gratitude that I share them here.

 Step One

“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”

Step Two

“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

Step Three

“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”

Step Four

“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

Step Five

“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

Step Six

“Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”

Step Seven

“Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.”

Step Eight

“Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”

Step Nine

“Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

Step Ten

“Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”

Step Eleven

“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”

Step Twelve

“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”

In two of the upcoming articles in this month-long series, I will discuss the principles of the steps, and re-present the steps in generic, inclusive language (not gender-specific, non-religious, and viable for anyone with addictive patterns).

 

(Note: Please see Blog #2 in this series, “The Four Types of Addiction,” for a definition of addiction and a description of its types. Recovery is not just for alcohol and drug addicts!)

Addiction is like a living death. It feels isolating, empty, painful (emotionally to be sure, but often physically as well), confusing, lost, and baffling (because no one sets out to become an addict – the goal was to feel better about oneself, about life, and to manage life better; it just didn’t work!).

Recovery is about coming alive again. There are 6 stages every addicted person goes through as they recover and maintain recovery:

1. Active Addiction – of course, this is not really a recovery stage, but rather the reason for recovery. I include it as a stage because it is where we all begin.

2. “Hitting Bottom” – This is the defining experience when we know we cannot continue the addictive behavior, and we make the choice to change. The bottom may be “high” (confused, uncomfortable) or “low” (crisis, chaos, even life-threatening), and we may have several bottoms – usually progressively worse – before we truly surrender and take the actions necessary to change.

3. Abstinence – This is the period in which all our focus is on stopping the addictive behavior, whether it is substance use, spree shopping, overeating, overworking, gambling, or whatever our particular addiction is. Abstinence often takes some sort of intervention to begin, and usually takes some sort of treatment in order to maintain. It is a volatile time and the relapse probability is high. The Abstinence Stage, as the central focus of our effort, usually takes several months, but can take as much as a year or more.

4. Sobriety – This period is when we address the total effect of our addiction and start to make conscious changes in our thinking and behavior. Through a recovery program or therapy we learn a new way to think, act and live. Sobriety often begins during the Abstinence Stage, and continues for five years or more. The focus is on establishing a new way of life, and thus is a very challenging time. In order to succeed, we must change not only the habits of thinking and behavior we developed in addiction, but also the earlier ones that led to addiction in the first place. Relapse potential is moderate to high, depending on our willingness versus resistance to change.

5. Early Recovery – This stage may overlap with the Sobriety Stage; it begins as early as two years into the process, and lasts typically till year 10-12 (sometimes longer). During this Stage, we begin to integrate the changes we consciously made during Sobriety. The changed thinking and behavior becomes our new “normal,” and therefore develops into an automatic response for us. Relapse potential is low, provided we keep growing in recovery and do not get complacent.

Between Stages 5 & 6 there is a very difficult period for many in recovery. We may feel a strong pull to grow beyond the identity as a recovering person, while also fearing that that could lead to relapse. The difficulty is that if we are called to remain in the traditional recovery lifestyle and we try to step beyond it, relapse risk rises significantly. However, if we are called to a broader lifestyle but avoid it out of fear, again our relapse risk rises significantly. It is critical to be honest with ourselves and follow the path that has the greatest value and meaning for us, while maintaining our recovery.

6. Advanced Recovery – This stage usually begins at the 10-12 year mark. It is highlighted by a renewal and recommitment to a healthy lifestyle, coupled with a strong focus on life beyond recovery. We are truly practicing the principles of recovery and are now deepening and broadening our perspective toward making a life that is full of meaning, purpose and challenge. This is when we are truly ready to delve into the question, “What do I want to be when I grow up?” Relapse risk diminishes as long as we keep growing and developing our full potential, while also continuing to embrace recovery (it is not either/or).

These are the traditional recovery stages that lead us, not just back from a living death, but forward into a vibrant aliveness. For many, if not most of us, this is new territory – few of us ever felt the sense of aliveness that we find in recovery, and I am not alone in feeling incredible gratitude for the opportunity to experience this.

And now in these evolutionary times in the world, another stage of recovery is emerging among a few visionaries. This 7^th Stage is something I call New Paradigm Cultural Recovery. It is an exciting and revolutionary perspective of what may be possible as we shift from the Information Age to the Transformation Age. I will say more about this in a future article in this series.

In my last article, I wrote about the chemicals that are released in the brain in the addiction process. Here’s a brief recap:

– Dopamine, which stimulates arousal;

– Norepinephrine, which stimulates excitement;

– Oxytocin, which creates bonding;

– Prolactin, which releases tension; and

– Serotonin, which brings about satisfaction.

We all want to experience the pleasure, joy and relief this chemical sequence delivers.

But this happens naturally, without resorting to the thoughts and behaviors of addiction. How? The simplest answer is this famous three-word sentence from Joseph Campbell: “Follow your bliss.”

What does it mean to “follow you bliss?” It means doing what brings you joy, aliveness, well-being, or a deep connection to your heart-self, soul or higher-self. It is that feeling of excitement you get when you are doing something you are passionate about. Or the awe you feel when you experience the majesty of nature. It is many things, but it is deep – feeling like it goes right to the core of who you are.

Whenever we engage in the pursuit of something that makes us feel truly alive, we trigger the release of those chemicals in our brains. Brain research is teaching us that, biologically, the chemistry is what makes us makes us feel emotional, passionate, excited, and invigorated – and it is also this chemistry that we get addicted to.

We are meant to feel deeply alive, that’s how we are wired. But when we don’t know how to handle it, or are afraid of it, or pained by it, we try to control it through other than natural means. Sometimes we do that harmlessly – an hour of TV, an extra workout, a piece of chocolate cake, a lottery ticket. There is nothing wrong with a distraction from the reality of life occasionally. But when the distraction becomes the main attraction, and we make it a replacement reality, we lose ourselves.

So to get the benefits of better focus, keener awareness, strong connection, oneness, satisfaction and relaxation naturally, follow these steps:

• Love and believe in yourself, and decide to pursue what has value to you;

• Do something meaningful and rewarding that makes you come alive;

• Know what it is about that that energizes you so you can recreate it;

• Learn how to create the good feelings in every area of your life (relationships, work, play, etc.);

• Take care of yourself and get balance in your life so you can sustain the good feelings;

• And of course remember that the goal is improvement, not perfection – no one feels great all the time, so accept reality but don’t settle for it – keep heading in the direction of your “bliss!”

The desire to feel good about life and the chemistry to achieve that is built into us. Whether or not we develop our ability to use it in a healthy way is a choice. This is, I believe, the ultimate purpose of all the different models of recovery. I’ll talk about that in more detail in future articles in this series. If you’re not sure how to go about it, or have questions, contact me. I’m happy to help.

Recently I posted “Our Addictive Culture” and “The Four Types of Addiction.” In those articles, I wrote about the obvious – that addiction is everywhere, and is so common that sometimes it is hard to view it as addiction and not as “normal.”

In this post, you will see why it is so pervasive. The reason is so simple, it is often ignored: IT FEELS GOOD! Well, until it doesn’t – more on that later.

Regardless of the Type of addiction (Substance, Process, Systemic or Codependency), certain chemicals get stimulated and released in the brain. These chemicals are what make us feel good and feed the addiction.

Here are the brain chemicals, their purpose and their results:

Chemical Dopamine     Norepinephrine       Oxytocin     Prolactin     Serotonin

Purpose Attraction     Excitement       Bonding     Relief     Satisfaction

Result Increases focus, increases arousal, increases anticipation of pleasure (stimulates the psychological craving or obsession)   Increases adrenaline, increases heart rate, increases hyper-awareness, increases expectation of excitement and fulfillment. (stimulates the physiological compulsion)   Creates a feeling of connection, feels like “falling in love” or “coming home” or “filling a void,” increases trust in the addictive experience, decreases anxiety.   Feeling of euphoria, increases sense of togetherness or “at oneness,” releases tension.   Increases calmness, feeling of “delighted satisfaction,” increases relaxation, releases or eliminates stress, can lead to sleep or deep rest.

 (Note: Although the information in this chart is based on numerous scientific studies, I have simplified it for ease of understanding. Research studies that go into much more clinical detail can be found online.)

Take a moment to re-read the Results column. Do I even have to ask, who doesn’t want to feel that way? It’s what every human being longs for!

The problem is that when this chemical cycle wears off, we are left with the same uncomfortable feelings we had before. If we could not tolerate or accept those feelings in the first place, we are not likely to after a period of feeling wonderful. So we want and pursue more of the good feelings. And the addiction spiral begins to take hold as we need more and more of a “fix” in order to keep avoiding discomfort. At the same time, the discomfort keeps getting worse as we go through withdrawal.

But notice that these are BRAIN chemicals. They are a natural part of us, so we do not have to artificially induce them. Yes, addictions can do it faster and more intensely – that is exactly the problem. We become dependent on the “quick fix.” That is what makes addiction so alluring and powerful: we can control our “doses,” and thus dictate how we will feel at all times.

Except that there is an increase in tolerance – we need more and more to attain the same effect. We begin to put the attainment of relief first, thus impacting our relationships, careers, health, happiness, well-being, even our lives. Upon the inevitable withdrawal, our feelings of emptiness, separateness, anxiety, depression, fear, et cetera begin to increase. It can prove to overwhelm us.

So let’s get back to the fact that since they are brain chemicals we can trigger them naturally. How does that happen and what is the result?

Take another look at the Purpose column on the chart. Any experience in life that stimulates those conditions stimulates their corresponding chemicals. Watching your baby take their first step, seeing a beautiful sunset, landing your dream job, meeting your soul mate – everything that really matters to us, whether in great or lesser degrees, stimulates the release of these “feel good” chemicals.

That is a two-edged sword for people in recovery, because on the one hand we want a better life, with good jobs and happy relationships and such. But these things stimulate the same chemical reaction that “got us hooked.” So in early recovery, experiencing a lot of great life experiences can trigger relapse – we want more, faster. However, later in recovery the opposite happens – if we don’t pursue what makes us feel alive we get stagnant, stuck, dissatisfied, depressed. And that can lead to relapse if we do not take action by discovering and pursuing what makes us feel alive and vital.

We will look at that a bit deeper in the upcoming post, “Recovery: Coming Alive.”