George Herrick

Recently I posted “Our Addictive Culture” and “The Four Types of Addiction.” In those articles, I wrote about the obvious – that addiction is everywhere, and is so common that sometimes it is hard to view it as addiction and not as “normal.”

In this post, you will see why it is so pervasive. The reason is so simple, it is often ignored: IT FEELS GOOD! Well, until it doesn’t – more on that later.

Regardless of the Type of addiction (Substance, Process, Systemic or Codependency), certain chemicals get stimulated and released in the brain. These chemicals are what make us feel good and feed the addiction.

Here are the brain chemicals, their purpose and their results:

 (Note: Although the information in this chart is based on numerous scientific studies, I have simplified it for ease of understanding. Research studies that go into much more clinical detail can be found online.)

Take a moment to re-read the Results column. Do I even have to ask, who doesn’t want to feel that way? It’s what every human being longs for!

The problem is that when this chemical cycle wears off, we are left with the same uncomfortable feelings we had before. If we could not tolerate or accept those feelings in the first place, we are not likely to after a period of feeling wonderful. So we want and pursue more of the good feelings. And the addiction spiral begins to take hold as we need more and more of a “fix” in order to keep avoiding discomfort. At the same time, the discomfort keeps getting worse as we go through withdrawal.

But notice that these are BRAIN chemicals. They are a natural part of us, so we do not have to artificially induce them. Yes, addictions can do it faster and more intensely – that is exactly the problem. We become dependent on the “quick fix.” That is what makes addiction so alluring and powerful: we can control our “doses,” and thus dictate how we will feel at all times.

Except that there is an increase in tolerance – we need more and more to attain the same effect. We begin to put the attainment of relief first, thus impacting our relationships, careers, health, happiness, well-being, even our lives. Upon the inevitable withdrawal, our feelings of emptiness, separateness, anxiety, depression, fear, et cetera begin to increase. It can prove to overwhelm us.

So let’s get back to the fact that since they are brain chemicals we can trigger them naturally. How does that happen and what is the result?

Take another look at the Purpose column on the chart. Any experience in life that stimulates those conditions stimulates their corresponding chemicals. Watching your baby take their first step, seeing a beautiful sunset, landing your dream job, meeting your soul mate – everything that really matters to us, whether in great or lesser degrees, stimulates the release of these “feel good” chemicals.

That is a two-edged sword for people in recovery, because on the one hand we want a better life, with good jobs and happy relationships and such. But these things stimulate the same chemical reaction that “got us hooked.” So in early recovery, experiencing a lot of great life experiences can trigger relapse – we want more, faster. However, later in recovery the opposite happens – if we don’t pursue what makes us feel alive we get stagnant, stuck, dissatisfied, depressed. And that can lead to relapse if we do not take action by discovering and pursuing what makes us feel alive and vital.

We will look at that a bit deeper in the upcoming post, “Recovery: Coming Alive.”

What is addiction? The word itself comes from the Latin, addicere, which means “to give oneself to.” It is to voluntarily be enslaved by. Now, this is misleading, because although we voluntarily look for ways to feel better, we are not seeking to become addicts to those ways.

In a moment I’ll describe the four types of addiction, but first, it’s important to know that each of them – whether related to a substance, a behavior or to relationships – produce the same chemical reactions in the brain. So all addiction is really chemical addiction. I’ll go into more detail on this in an upcoming article.

In modern use, addiction is described as a loss of control due to the release of those mood- or reality-altering brain chemicals, coupled with the inability to stop the addiction behaviors despite negative impacts on one’s life. Thus a physical or psychological dependence is brought about.

The American Psychiatric Association has certain criteria for determining a diagnosis of addiction. At least three of the following must be present in the individual (these are adapted from the DSM IV-R):

• The substance is used in larger quantities or more often than intended;
• There have been unsuccessful attempts to stop use;
• There is an inordinate focus on obtaining, using, or recovering from the substance;
• It disrupts the person’s life;
• The person continues despite awareness of negative consequences;
• There is an increase in tolerance (the person needs more to get the same effect – this can reverse in late stages of addiction);
• There are identifiable withdrawal symptoms;
• The substance is used to avoid withdrawal.

The APA uses these to diagnose Substance Addiction, but anyone who has suffered from other types of addiction can easily recognize these within their own experiences.

The Four Types of Addiction:

Substance Addiction:

Obviously, this is about alcohol and drug addiction. A chemical of some sort is ingested into the body, triggering the chemical reaction in the brain.

Process Addiction:

This is when a person is “enslaved” to a process, such as gambling, shopping, work, extreme sports, sex, the internet, food (note: there are eating disorders that are not addictions, such as anorexia and bulimia, because have different symptoms), exercise, self-help/personal development, or any other process in which the afflicted person puts themselves, their relationships or their lives/livelihoods/lifestyles in harm’s way.

Systemic Addiction:

Sometimes erroneously called “addictive personality,” this has to do with a person’s way of thinking, their beliefs, perspectives, and behavior patterns. They are like “habits on steroids” and although the person is aware of the negative impact on his or her life, trying to stop or change the thoughts or behaviors often seems near impossible.

Codependency:

Though many people balk at this term, I don’t know a better word to describe this addiction to dysfunctional relationships, people-pleasing, and finding one’s self-worth or self-esteem through how other people view them. Nearly every addicted person I’ve met, regardless of their primary type of addiction, has some level of codependency present as well.

Each of these types of addiction can cause physical or psychological illness, destroy lives, and in the extreme, even lead to life-threatening behaviors and conditions. The treatment for each is often different in the short-term, but on-going, long-term recovery requires very similar steps. I’ll cover those in future articles.

See my previous blog, “Our Addictive Culture,” and you’ll recognize some of these traits in our media, politics, corporations, advertising, education system, religions, and throughout many aspects of our culture. The challenge we face in healing our society is the same challenge faced by an individual addict when considering recovery. It is daunting but doable!

“More! I want more!” says the little girl in the AT&T commercial. And she is speaking for most of us. We want more, bigger, faster, smarter, prettier, stronger, richer, sleeker… etc.

Individually and collectively as a culture, we imagine that the next bright idea will save us, or the next shiny object will fulfill us, or the next partner will complete us. We are trying to fill an internal empty space with something external, and when we acquire that next thing, it does seem to fill the space – for awhile – but then it leaves us even emptier, and just a little more desperate for the next thing. This is the definition of addiction.

Addiction is about longing. Psychoanalyst Carl Jung and anthropologist Gregory Bateson called it a spiritual thirst, a feeling that there is something more, something deeper, that is elusive to the seeker in any meaningful or permanent way.

This longing triggers certain reactions within us, which may include:

Fear – “The world is unsafe,” so we get defensive or aggressive;

Scarcity – “There isn’t enough,” so we have to grab more;

Judgment – “We’re not enough,” so we see others as worse in order to feel better;

Projection – Others are responsible for our circumstances or feelings;

Anger – “It’s not fair!” “I’ll show them!”

Shame – We feel personally inadequate, bad, impotent;

Separation – We’re alone, and need someone else to make us happy;

Perfection – Mistakes can’t be tolerated and should be judged and punished;

Denial – Of both our divinity and our imperfect humanness;

Past/Future Orientation – We get nostalgic or regretful of the past, and worried or anxious about the future;

Poor Self Image – Leading to either low self-esteem or grandiosity.

When we look at our lives or experiences through the lenses of these triggers, we tend to attempt to resolve or control the resulting discomfort with “stuff,” behavior patterns or beliefs that give temporary relief.

This in turn triggers the addictive cycle: spiritual longing feels like emptiness > need/desire to fill the “hole” > quick, temporary fulfillment brings relief > deepening of the emptiness when we realize that “thing” wasn’t really what our deep self longed for > an increased urgency to fill the desire with something more, something new, something better. The cycle is endless until it is addressed and transformed.

In upcoming posts, we’ll look at how this affects our society, our brain chemistry, and what to do about it.

There are four pillars that support ongoing, quality recovery from any addiction or habit pattern. To maintain the best recovery you can, live a life based upon getting and staying HIGH:

Honesty

Integrity

Gratitude

Humility

When we lean on these practices as a way of being, our potential for an inspired, empowered, wholehearted life of meaning and joy grows exponentially. Let’s look at each pillar:

Honesty: This is obviously about telling the truth – to ourselves, first and foremost, and to others. Being honest is not just avoiding telling lies (of commission or omission), but also avoiding manipulation, rationalizing, over-explaining, defensiveness, justification, etc. These are ways we try to “get around” the truth or hide behind half-truths or illusions. They show a lack of confidence, lack of authenticity, lack of authority that is present when we stand for what we know to be true.

Integrity: This is about embodying our truths – being true to our word, our values. It’s about standing firm in what we know to be the higher ground, whether it is easy and comfortable or not. To have integrity, we need to be congruent in what we say and how we act. Do we know what matters to us, and are we willing to not sell out or sell ourselves short?

Gratitude: To appreciate means to grow in value. Do we appreciate ourselves, our lives, the gifts we have or receive, the opportunities and challenges that come our way? Even the things we perceive as problems or negatives in our lives can be appreciated if we accept them as lessons to be learned from. Having an attitude of gratitude is not a “Pollyanna” outlook – there is no room for falsity or rosy glasses. Rather it’s the recognition that every experience leads to another and by allowing it to “grow in value,” we empower ourselves to grow as well.

Humility: Humility means teachability. AA’s book, “The 12 Steps and 12 Traditions,” defines humility as “knowing who and what we really are, coupled with a sincere attempt to become what we can be.” This is paramount to a good life. It is the opposite of humiliation, which is all about bringing us down. Rather it’s about lifting ourselves up, with integrity, to embrace and develop our talents, skills, values and become the person we aspire to become in our heart of hearts.

These pillars are not destinations in life, they are practices. We will both progress toward them and we will falter. That’s the nature of being human; we do remarkable things and we screw up. Recovery – high-quality, long-term, meaningful recovery – follows when we commit ourselves to doing our best at these practices, and correcting ourselves when we fall short. No blame, shame or self-deprecation; just “live and learn.”

Here are some ways to practice each pillar. The first item in each category is at a basic level; the second is harder, more challenging – “extra credit” if you will. Be mindful with each practice not to be hurtful or uncaring of others; growth isn’t really growth when it’s inconsiderate or disrespectful toward those around us:

Honesty:

1. Practice pausing before you give an answer to people and check in with yourself to be sure that the answer you are about to give is objectively true and not just comfortable, convenient or putting you in the best light.

2. If you do tell an untruth (lie, embellishment, exaggeration, rationalization, etc.), pause and correct yourself.

Integrity:

1. Practice having clear, well-defined boundaries. Don’t say “yes” when you want to say “no” and vice versa. Boundaries are lines we draw for ourselves, not others.

2. If you do say “yes” when you want to say “no”, tell the person that you were wrong or changed your mind and if possible, offer to help them find a replacement for you.

Gratitude:

1. Keep a daily gratitude journal of at least 5 things that happened each day and express gratitude for it (“I am grateful for ___ because ___.”)

2. Have your list include at least two items that were painful, hurtful, scary or that made you angry.

Humility:

1. Write a list of some of your major weaknesses, shortcomings, failures and chronic mistakes. Write a list of some of your greatest strengths, attributes, successes and lessons learned.

2. Share both lists with someone you trust, for the sole purpose of accepting your humanness and learning something about yourself.

What I’ve experienced for myself, and witnessed in countless others, is that making these practices a regular routine is enormously rewarding and fulfilling – not just because getting HIGH helps you maintain the highest quality recovery, it also helps you grow more confident, self-assured and become a powerful model and support for others. If you are new to it, it may sound hard or painful, but I assure you it leads to greater ease and peace of mind. If I can be of any help along the way, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

We all want to go as far as we can in life, and we all have different ideas about what that means to us personally. Yet life has its own ideas – we are met with roadblocks, obstacles, detours and potholes that can sometimes seem to conspire to keep us from the progress and intentions we set for ourselves.

However, it is easier to go FAR if we approach life with the perspective of Flexibility, Acceptance, Resiliency.

When we meet what life throws at us with Flexibility, we can better “go with the flow” and gracefully bend with whatever circumstances arise.

When we Accept life on life’s terms, and not waste our energy fighting or denying what is in front of us, we can better deal with things and make the changes we need to in order to succeed.

When we are Resilient, we can bounce back from whatever would knock us down, and often be stronger and wiser for it.

But how do we do it?

To be more Flexible:
• Check to see where you are being rigid – how often and in what circumstances do you use words like “always” and “never?” For example, “This is how we’ve always done things (the implication being it’s how we must do things),” or “I’ll never do ____ (fill in the blank with what you won’t do because you haven’t before, or don’t know how, or are afraid of what others might say). To be more flexible, you have to spot your rigidity and release it.
• Let go of “must,” “have to,” and “should.” Of course there are ethics and laws to follow in life, but most of the “rules” we try so hard to abide by are illusions created by our childhood bonding or cultural beliefs. The real question to ask yourself is “Does this lead me toward the life I value or away from it?” Do what moves you forward. Are your thoughts and actions working for you and if not, what can you do to change them?

To be more Accepting:
• Recognize what acceptance means: acknowledging what is, not settling for what is. Things are as they are, and we can’t change them or let them go if we are in denial about them.
• Watch your perspective – change negative thinking into positive thinking.
• Use the Serenity Prayer: “God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” Here’s my “Wisdom Litmus Test” to know what I can and can’t change: if it’s outside of me (other people, situations, events, etc.), I can’t change it – although I can change my participation in it. If it’s inside of me (thoughts, feelings, beliefs, actions) then I can change it. Yes, it’s almost always that simple!

To be more Resilient:
• Consider the choices you make. We are going to stumble, make mistakes, fail. That’s life. But when we allow those to define us or to stop us, that’s not life – that’s choice. Resilience is making the choice to bounce back and keep trying.
• Live with EASE – Enthusiastic Action, Simple Effort. Do what makes you feel alive and do it with clear, smart action. Let go of “busy-ness,” and get down to business!
• Check your resistance – a little bit can be good: friction is what helps wheels to turn instead of spin or skid. But when we resist too much, we dig ourselves into ruts.

Only you can decide how far you want to go and how far you’re willing to go. And for the most part, only you can decide what is going to keep you from getting there. There is an old maxim that says whatever is the thing (within yourself) you are unwilling to change, that is the thing that will always stop you. But Flexibility, Acceptance and Resilience are great tools to keep you moving forward.