We all want to go as far as we can in life, and we all have different ideas about what that means to us personally. Yet life has its own ideas – we are met with roadblocks, obstacles, detours and potholes that can sometimes seem to conspire to keep us from the progress and intentions we set for ourselves.
However, it is easier to go FAR if we approach life with the perspective of Flexibility, Acceptance, Resiliency.
When we meet what life throws at us with Flexibility, we can better “go with the flow” and gracefully bend with whatever circumstances arise.
When we Accept life on life’s terms, and not waste our energy fighting or denying what is in front of us, we can better deal with things and make the changes we need to in order to succeed.
When we are Resilient, we can bounce back from whatever would knock us down, and often be stronger and wiser for it.
But how do we do it?
To be more Flexible:
• Check to see where you are being rigid – how often and in what circumstances do you use words like “always” and “never?” For example, “This is how we’ve always done things (the implication being it’s how we must do things),” or “I’ll never do ____ (fill in the blank with what you won’t do because you haven’t before, or don’t know how, or are afraid of what others might say). To be more flexible, you have to spot your rigidity and release it.
• Let go of “must,” “have to,” and “should.” Of course there are ethics and laws to follow in life, but most of the “rules” we try so hard to abide by are illusions created by our childhood bonding or cultural beliefs. The real question to ask yourself is “Does this lead me toward the life I value or away from it?” Do what moves you forward. Are your thoughts and actions working for you and if not, what can you do to change them?
To be more Accepting:
• Recognize what acceptance means: acknowledging what is, not settling for what is. Things are as they are, and we can’t change them or let them go if we are in denial about them.
• Watch your perspective – change negative thinking into positive thinking.
• Use the Serenity Prayer: “God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” Here’s my “Wisdom Litmus Test” to know what I can and can’t change: if it’s outside of me (other people, situations, events, etc.), I can’t change it – although I can change my participation in it. If it’s inside of me (thoughts, feelings, beliefs, actions) then I can change it. Yes, it’s almost always that simple!
To be more Resilient:
• Consider the choices you make. We are going to stumble, make mistakes, fail. That’s life. But when we allow those to define us or to stop us, that’s not life – that’s choice. Resilience is making the choice to bounce back and keep trying.
• Live with EASE – Enthusiastic Action, Simple Effort. Do what makes you feel alive and do it with clear, smart action. Let go of “busy-ness,” and get down to business!
• Check your resistance – a little bit can be good: friction is what helps wheels to turn instead of spin or skid. But when we resist too much, we dig ourselves into ruts.
Only you can decide how far you want to go and how far you’re willing to go. And for the most part, only you can decide what is going to keep you from getting there. There is an old maxim that says whatever is the thing (within yourself) you are unwilling to change, that is the thing that will always stop you. But Flexibility, Acceptance and Resilience are great tools to keep you moving forward.