Here is where you get to be an alchemist, changing the lead of a part of your life you don’t like into the gold of your desired life.
Ask yourself these questions: What is not working the way you’d like it to in your life? What can you do to change it? What is the cost to your happiness and well-being if it doesn’t change? Your answers to these give you a clear picture of what and why a part of your life needs transforming.
Of course, to change, you have to change. But we humans tend not to change until the fear of commitment is less than the pain of the status quo. Commitment is critical, because changes won’t last unless we make them non-negotiable. The ego mind is solely intent on the survival and protection of the familiar, of what it thinks is safe and comfortable. Thus it will resist any change toward growth or development.
Growth is a risk, and ego doesn’t like risk. Stepping deeper into life is vulnerable, and ego doesn’t like that either. Following your dreams requires stepping outside of your comfort zone, and ego really doesn’t like that! So ego will rebel, revolt, intimidate you and assault your attempts to change. It will often feel as if there is a battle raging inside you. The good news is that those are just thoughts and feelings and are not true. Your resilience will win that battle if you do what it takes to persist in pursuing your dream.
It is not your boss, your spouse, the government, the weather or anything else “out there” that needs changing if you are unhappy with some aspect of your life. Or if, in part, something outside of you does happen to be part of the problem, the only thing you have the power to change is you – your perspective, attitude, willingness, beliefs, actions, etc. You know the Serenity Prayer?
God grant me serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
What you can change is you – muster your courage and gather support. What you can’t change is other people and what happens to you – find acceptance. The power to transform your life lies within you and in collaboration with whatever higher power you have a relationship with.
What appears to be your resistance to change is really lack of clarity, which triggers fear. Fear is largely based on the past, not some present or future unknown. If we were really afraid of the unknown, we’d never open another Christmas or birthday gift. But we imagine the gift is a good one so we open it, and we imagine the future will hurt or disappoint us so we fear it. All that happens instantly and unconsciously. But when you clearly see the present for what it is and how powerful and resilient you are, the fear diminishes.
It is invaluable to see what fear-based beliefs and habits you hold in your unconscious, because the unconscious is the level at which you have to change them. Trying to change deep-seated fears only at the conscious level is like using white-out and markers to change an error on a computer screen. You have to make the change in the hard drive! That is done through acceptance, forgiveness, willingness and love.
To help you do that, I developed this formula. It is a simple, concise and powerful process to follow in order to transform your life. After you identify what is not working for you and what you want to change, relax your grip on those things and release them. Then the steps are:
INSPIRATION – Dream it;
+MOTIVATION – Feel it;
+PERSPIRATION – Do it;
+INTEGRATION – Be it;
TRANSFORMATION – This will happen automatically when you take those 4 steps!
Following this formula, no matter what you want to transform in your life, will lead you closer and closer to your desired result. The changes you want to make, though they may be challenging, are doable if they come from the heart and you persist after them.
(This article was adapted from my recent seminar, “Courageous Creativity.”)