The 12 Steps for Everyone

The sixth article in this series listed the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. These steps have been adopted and adapted for nearly every addiction by the anonymous group dedicated to that addiction.

But what about the vast majority of people who do not identify themselves as having had an addiction (and thus have no perceived need for recovery)? If the 12 Steps truly comprise a system for a better life, doesn’t everyone deserve access to that system and the principles behind it?

Of course! These are universal principles, and the decision to follow them or not should not be based on what problems one has, but on whether or not one chooses this solution.

Other people have shared versions of a generic 12-Step model before, but here is what has worked for me – personally and professionally. The language may differ from other versions, but the principles remain the same.

The 12 Steps for Everyone:

Step One: “We admitted and accepted that we had a problem that we could not resolve by ourselves – and repeated attempts to resolve it only made it worse..”

Principle: ACCEPTANCE – recognizing our problem and its broad effects.

Step Two: “We began to realize that we needed help beyond our own thinking and actions in order to solve this problem.”

Principle: HOPE – having the desire and expectation for something better.

Step Three: “We decided to ask for help from resources we could count on implicitly (which for some people may include a deity, a faith or a set of principles), and to follow the guidance of that/those resource(s) without reservation.”

Principle: FAITH – to put our trust in something greater than our finite, limited self.

Step Four: “We took a hard, honest and thorough look at our role in creating our problem, without fear or self-condemnation.”

Principle: RESPONSIBILITY – taking ownership of who and what we are, as well as our thoughts, feelings and actions.

Step Five: “We admitted to ourselves, our resources and a trusted confidant all of our thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that contributed to our problem.”

Principle: COURAGE – the willingness to face our deepest truths and have them witnessed.

Step Six: “We became fully ready to change the thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that led to our problem.”

Principle: WILLINGNESS – making a reasoned, conscious choice to change.

Step Seven: “We humbly asked our resources for help, and committed ourselves to the solution that was recommended to us.”

Principle: HUMILITY – being self-honest and being teachable, willing to grow and change.

Step Eight: “We made a list of all the people who were negatively impacted by how we acted out our problem.”

Principle: RESPECT – to live with honor and esteem for ourselves and others.

Step Nine: “We made amends to these people through acknowledgement and our commitment to change, except when such acknowledgement would harm them or others.”

Principle: INTEGRITY – doing what we know is right on behalf of our relations with others, despite potential personal discomfort.

Step Ten: “We continued to be responsible and accountable for all our actions, and when we were wrong we promptly admitted it and made amends.”

Principle: COMMITMENT – to pledge ourselves to maintaining honesty and integrity.

Step Eleven: “We continually sought to improve ourselves, to deepen our connection to others, to develop and grow toward our full potential in every area of life, and to do our best in whatever we agreed to do.”

Principle: POWER – to own who we are as a part of a greater Source, and to use our capabilities, strengths, and talents for a higher purpose.

Step Twelve: ”We employed this deeper awareness and transformation of ourselves to help others to solve their problems just as we were helped, and we continued to practice these principles in every decision and action we make.”

Principle: SERVICE – willingness to help others and to keep growing.

Two things are obvious here:

(1) The 12 Steps are not for the squeamish – if we are not willing to put every effort into radically changing how we think and behave, then even starting this process can be a set-up for failure;

(2) It is impossible to do these steps 100%, so acceptance of our human limitations is in order. On any given day, we simply do the best we can with them, without excuses, rationalizations or holding back.

The question to ask ourselves is simply, “Am I willing to solve the problem that is making me miserable, and do I recognize that if I could solve it myself I would have by now?” If the answer is yes and you would like some support, please don’t hesitate to contact me.