This is an excerpt from Chapter 1 of the upcoming living the soul of recovery manual.
“Now is a precious gift; that’s why it’s called the present.” – Unknown
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery; today is all we truly have.” We cannot change the past or future, but what we do in the present can change the past’s impact on us and our influence on the future. When we are held in the grip of regret or nostalgia, we temporarily lose the freedom to move forward without fear or sadness. When we fear what we imagine for the future, we temporarily lose the power to take risks and be expansive. Living in the past or future keeps us small and limited.
Being in the present does not mean we cannot learn from the past or prepare for the future; indeed, we must if we are to grow. We repeat the mistakes we don’t learn from. We falter and lose direction when we are not prepared. We can look to the past as a teacher, and to the future as a guide, but we can only act in the present, based on how we see here now.
However, “We don’t see the world as it is, we see the world as we are.” (Anais Nin). Our perceptions, how we see the world, are mostly based on our beliefs, emotions and thoughts about previous experiences. Yes, our worries and fears, as well as our regrets, are largely based on the past, even if we project them into the future.
Most of our perceptions, which we use in order to understand something and make decisions about it, are not based in what is but what was. These are not true perceptions – to perceive means to understand or grasp what is present. These are actually assumptions –which means to take for granted or suppose. We suppose that the birthday present will make us happy and the boss will give us trouble. Assumptions easily turn into expectations. Assumptions and expectations lead to judgments of something being good or bad, right or wrong – when in reality it only has the qualities we attribute to it. These judgments give us a distorted view of what is actually present in front of us. Thus we often result in basing our decisions on distortions of our own making! Not really the best scenario for growth, well-being or making the most of opportunity, is it?
Do your best to let go of assumptions, expectations, and judgments. Just keep your attention on what is present. Four simple ways to practice this are:
(1) focus on your breathing,
(2) focus on your senses, and
(3) focus on an object in front of you
(4) be an observer in the midst of an experience
These are common forms of meditation, which is an ancient method of practicing awareness of the present moment. Here is a method of combing several of these practices: Notice your body right now – its sensations and feelings. Notice your emotions. Notice the inhale and exhale of your breathing. Are you comfortable? Hungry? Warm or chilled? Can you observe yourself reading? “This is me, sitting in a chair, reading a sentence about me in a chair reading.” Simple, right? But for many people this is very challenging to do in the beginning, and many people do not stay with it very long. A few attempts and they say “This is stupid,” – they give up, denying themselves an opportunity to experience the benefits of being present.
WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF MINDFULNESS?
This is a partial list of benefits, compiled from research studies reported by Harvard Medical Center, Massachussetts General Hospital, The New York Times, WebMD, Project-Meditation, The Journal of Psychosomatic Research and Johns Hopkins Medical Center:
• Improve learning and memory
• Improve concentration and attention span
• Improve the immune system
• Improve pain management and reduction
• Improve mood and behavior
• Improve energy and vigor
• Improve empathy
• Reduce anxiety and stress
• Reduce blood pressure
• Reduce headaches
• Reduce depression
• Reduce insomnia
• Lower the risk of heart disease
Can you relate to any of these conditions? Research is still being conducted around the world, and no one is saying the findings are conclusive, but WOW! If mindfulness, particularly meditation and presence-focusing, can make even a small change in any of these areas, it is a very useful and valuable skill to develop. 10-15 minutes of daily practice can make a big difference in your life.
Try this MINDFULNESS EXERCISE daily for the next two weeks (it will only take a few minutes):
To demonstrate an example of truly being in the present moment, take a morsel of your favorite healthy food and follow these steps, paying close attention to your senses and emotions as described in the exercise.
(NOTE: for this exercise, please avoid extraneous stimuli – phones, computers, TV, books, newspapers, etc. Just focus on the food and the process.)
SENSES
• Sight: Look at the morsel on the plate. Notice the shape. Outline it with your eyes. Notice the irregularities of its shape. Notice the color of the morsel, and any variations in the color. Notice the shadowing due to the lighting of the room. Notice how the texture appears on the morsel (is it smooth, rough?). Turn the plate so you can see the morsel from different perspectives.
Describe what you see:
• Touch: Now pick up the morsel with your fingers and close your eyes. Notice its weight. Notice the texture as you touch it – does it feel like you imagined it would when you saw it on the plate?
Describe how it feels to the touch:
• Smell: Bring the morsel close to your nose and close your eyes. Breathe in the aroma through your nostrils. Is the aroma pleasant? Can you discern the scents of the different ingredients?
Describe the aroma and as many ingredients as you can identify:
• Taste: Taste the morsel with just the tip of your tongue. Does it have a flavor? Now taste it on the center of your tongue. Has the flavor changed in any way? Finally taste it on the back of your tongue. Again, any change in flavor? (Each part of the tongue tastes different flavors and discerns sweet from savory from seasoned.)
Describe your experience and any differences you noticed:
• Hearing: Take a bite of the morsel and chew it, again with your eyes closed. Notice the sounds you hear, and notice whether you can distinguish what sounds are made by the gnashing of your teeth, the lubricating of your saliva, the pull of your muscles near your ears. Notice the sound when you swallow what you have chewed. Also notice the sounds around you – are there birds or traffic outside? Is someone moving around near you? What do you hear?
Describe the sounds and the experience of listening intently:
• Body: Lots of other things are happening in your body while you eat. How many can you notice? For example, did your stomach begin to “growl” or “churn” as you were looking at the morsel on the plate? At what point did you begin to salivate? What was your breathing like during the exercise – were you breathing throughout (hint: certainly not as you swallowed or you’d have choked!).
Describe the different experiences you noticed during this experience:
EMOTIONS
• Feeling: As you ate the morsel, did you notice any emotional feelings? Were you happy, content, irritable, or other feeling? (Whether you did or did not is equally fine – there is no right or wrong emotional response.) Was the experience pleasant, unpleasant?
Describe your emotional feelings or lack of them:
• Energy: Did you notice any difference in your energy level at any point during the exercise? Is your energy level any different after the exercise than before starting?
• Effects: Notice whether you had any other awarenesses during this exercise, for example:
Memories: Did the food, or any part of the exercise remind you of something or someone?
Thoughts: Did your mind drift? If so, what did you think about?
Triggers: Did any part of the exercise trigger any positive or negative emotional reactions? If so, what was the trigger and what did it trigger? How did it influence your experience? Can you let it go?
Satisfaction: What was your overall level of satisfaction with the exercise, the food and your awareness?
Did the experience lead you to be aware of anything else?
If there are any questions you could not answer, that’s fine. You may be more or less aware of some of your processes, or you may simply have not experienced some of these effects. Try again after practicing for a few days or weeks, and see whether you have a different experience.
This exercise can be done in many ways, with many different objects, events, circumstances or people. The most common focus of meditation, for example, is the breath. You won’t always be able to use every sense, but you can become more present and aware of your experiences, surroundings and the impact they have on your body, mind, mood and emotions.
Whether in a business meeting, on a date, playing with your kids, or whatever you are doing, practice being as mindful and present to the fullness of the experience as you can.