“Happiness runs in a circular motion…”
– Donovan
Happiness is not a permanent state. Everybody knows it comes and goes, ebbs and flows.
But although we may not be able to maintain happiness constantly, neither do we have to let it be an accidental occurrence. We can’t necessarily create happiness, but we do have more control over creating opportunities for happiness than we may realize.
“Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be,” expressed Abraham Lincoln. Happiness depends largely on attitude. Positive people are generally happier than negative people, and tend to make decisions that increase the opportunity for happiness. But in a world that sometimes seems addicted to stress, worry, pressure, frustration and uncertainty, how do we make up our minds to be happy?
Well, the first thing is to be aware of what is in our minds! In my new program, Living the Soul of Recovery, the first step is “How to Be Fully Conscious in the Present Moment.” Being consciously aware in real time is essential to happiness because we can only be happy in the present.
Of course, we can have happy memories of the past or anticipate happy experiences in the future, but we can only actually feel happy NOW. If we are unaware of now, happiness eludes us. (Did you know that countless university and clinical studies over the past two decades have found consistently that we are usually conscious of our thoughts and surroundings less than 6% of the time? That gives us less than 6% chance of being happy except by fortunate accident!)
So how can we be more consciously present and improve our opportunities for happiness?
The answer is so simple that most of us miss it and many of us don’t believe it (that’s why we devote a whole section to it in the program). The answer is: PAY ATTENTION! This is what makes a good leader, a successful entrepreneur, an inspiring teacher, a great artist, a more consistently happy person – they all pay attention to what is within and around them. (See the Attention Exercises at the end of this article.)
But there’s another key ingredient: acceptance. By acceptance, I don’t mean passive resignation, but rather the recognition that it is what it is. Be objective, an observer of the event, circumstance or relationship, while reducing judgment of it. It’s not that it is good or bad/right or wrong so much as it just works for you or it doesn’t. (This doesn’t mean suspend all judgment – some things, like murder and rape, really are bad and wrong, and you won’t be happy by pretending to accept the unacceptable.)
Finally, take positive action in the direction of what is likely to bring you happiness. Do the things that increase your opportunities for happiness, and stop doing – or at least cut down – the things that make you unhappy.
There you have it – the five As that increase your chances for happiness: Attitude, Awareness, Attention, Acceptance and Action.
None of us can do all this 24/7. Remember, we’re usually operating on 6% awareness or less! The good news is we don’t have to change drastically. If, for example, I am usually present and neutral 4% of the time and I increase that to just 5%, I become 25% more present than I was! That can make a world of difference in creating opportunities for more happiness!
Here are 12 things you can do to create greater opportunity for happiness:
1. Take care of yourself – eat healthy, get enough exercise and sleep.
2. Notice opportunities to laugh, sing, dance, play – and take them!
3. Say “yes” to what you feel yes about and “no” to what you feel no about.
4. Prioritize your closest relationships.
5. Avoid the news, especially at meals and before bed.
6. Mono-task – multi-tasking usually takes us out of being aware in the moment.
7. Spend some time in nature.
8. Practice your personal faith, in a way that feels uplifting to you.
9. Be of service – help others, be kind, volunteer.
10. Keep a gratitude list, refer to it often, and add to it frequently.
11. Keep your personal space, to-do list, environment and mind clutter-free.
12. Try something new that you’ve wanted to learn or enjoy a hobby.
Here are 5 things you can stop doing that limit your opportunities for happiness:
1. Criticizing, blaming and making excuses.
2. Negative self-talk and limiting beliefs.
3. Trying to control the people and circumstances around you.
4. Needing to be right.
5. Trying to live up to other people’s expectations, or needing to impress others.
And finally, here are 6 ATTENTION EXERCISES you can try so you can be more aware of the present moment:
1. Pay attention to your breathing. Notice the natural inflow and outflow of air as you breathe normally. Notice the expansion and contraction of your lungs, chest and belly.
2. Pay attention to how your body feels as you sit, stand, move or lie down. Notice any body sensations, tics, itches. Notice how your muscles feel tense or relaxed.
3. Pay attention to your current stream of thought. Is your mind racing, or daydreaming, or planning something, or remembering something?
4. Pay attention to what you are feeling emotionally and how your body responds to that feeling. If you are angry, for example, do you feel a knot in your stomach, or tightness, or what? If you are fearful of something, how does your body react to that? And so on, whatever you feel.
5. Pay attention to your environment. Notice the objects around you. Notice any sounds or aromas that may be present.
6. Pay attention to conversations. Are you speaking your truth or what others want to hear? Are you really listening or are you distracted? Are your tone and body language congruent with your words? Are the other person’s tone, body language and words congruent?
Whichever exercise you choose, just spend about 30 seconds of undivided attention as you practice it. The object here is not to try to change anything, but to simply pay attention and observe what is actually happening in real, present time. You can decide later whether or not making changes at another time could improve your opportunities for happiness.